Freeze my head, please

I turn 35 tomorrow. I have mixed feelings about it. I wish I knew the little I know now, when I was younger. Here's a list of the things I would tell the me in my 20's:

1. Everyone will always have an opinion about what you do, wear, or say, and those opinions will never, ever be one of uniform support. So, while you may not be able to forget about what others think, at least try to enjoy everything you're doing while you're doing it.

2. You don't have to be the world's premier expert at something to continue to do it.

3. Failing does NOT mean you are a failure.

4. You do not need to lose any weight.

5. Don't give your amazing dog, Truman, away after you have children.

6. Be choosy about who you date. Don't be flattered just because some guy talks to you.

7. You are attractive and have a lot to offer. Stand tall and be proud of yourself.

8. Call your youngest sister. Remember that you love her.

9. Even if you have to beg, borrow, or steal, scrape up enough money to attend the destination wedding of your best friend from high school.

10. You are capable of making smart decisions and controlling your destiny.

11. Find a little company that goes by the name Google, Inc. in Menlo Park, California (Palo Alto, after 1999). Offer to enter data, answer phones, mop the floors, clean the bathrooms, anything in exchange for stock options.

12. You're not shallow by thinking you need money to be happy - you're smart. While money doesn't guarantee happiness, it sure makes it easier to find happiness.

13. I've sent you $7000 via a time machine that looks like your microwave. Use the cash to get a boob job. A really good one. And don't go with the double Ds.

I am not Demi Moore

The Judge has a new intern, who is 23 years old, entering his second year of law school, has lovely white teeth, and looks smashing in a business suit. My co-clerk and I went to lunch with him today and, there, found out that he can cook the perfect omelet, make a good cup of coffee, eat, wash the dishes, and be out the door, all within 10 minutes' time. Have mercy.

I need a J-O-B

I sent out some resumes earlier this week, to law firms in Baltimore, Towson, and Rockville. As of today, I've heard back from 2 firms, both indicating that they aren't looking for new associates at this time. I'm 0 for 2.

I will die alone

My friend, C, told me last night that he was reconciling with his wife of 7 years. This is the wife who, about 2 years ago, cheated on him repeatedly and span a huge web of lies, thus completely tearing his heart into tiny little pieces and rendering him virtually useless to other women. He never stopped loving her and always wanted her back. Well, happy day, because 2 weeks ago, she told him over drinks that she was ready to get back together with him.

I'm still stunned. I said very little to him after he told me; I asked logical questions about trusting her again, what's changed in her, what'll be different this time around. However, I didn't say he was crazy. And I didn't tell him that if he did go back to her, things between us would be different. Different how? Different in the fact that I will let go of a small, crazy, persistent belief that one day he and I would end up together. Different in the fact that I can no longer list him as my emergency contact. Different in the fact that, while he has regained his hope of being with someone he wanted to end up with, I have lost my hope in the very same thing. By the way, he also told me that he wanted to grow old with her in the worst possible way. So, today I woke up and, not to sound melodramatic, but everything seems slightly askew - everything is really the same, but I feel like I'm walking around slightly sideways.

Law Office of Me?

I've been seriously thinking about starting my own law practice. I need to sit down, clear my head, and figure out why I want to do this and how I can make it happen.

I Heart Google

I want to work for Google. Fortune magazine listed Google as the #1 best company to work for in 2007 and 2008. And after learning more about the perks of being an employee of the world's largest internet search engine, I can see why. Here is a list of benefits:

• solar panels convert sunlight into clean electricity that fuels Google's operations
• Employees are encouraged to move around within the company. This is perfect for me, since I get bored easily with the same job, same activities over and over again. Google will prevent carpal tunnel syndrome in my brain.
• on-site lap pool, huge company gym, beach volleyball, roller hockey in the parking lot (i don't play volleyball or roller hockey - YET)
• pet-friendly; I'd be able to bring my hypothetical new puppy.
• 11 free gourmet, organic cafeterias
• pajama days
• 99% of employees hold stock options; a single share of Google stock costs more than $700 (right now, I can afford to buy, let's see... 1 share, if I don't pay any of my utilities this month)
• free on-site medical care from real doctors
• free company shuttle services from 5 Bay area locations
• car washes & oil changes for employees who drive
• on-site hair salon
• reimbursement up to $500 for takeout food for new parents
• personal concierge services
• FREE on-site childcare. This alone is worth it.
• free use of washers & dryers; dry cleaning service also available
• motorized scooters for employees to use as they move around the Google campus
• company property is referred to as a "campus"
• company bookmobile (yes, I'm a total nerd)