Freeze my head, please

I turn 35 tomorrow. I have mixed feelings about it. I wish I knew the little I know now, when I was younger. Here's a list of the things I would tell the me in my 20's:

1. Everyone will always have an opinion about what you do, wear, or say, and those opinions will never, ever be one of uniform support. So, while you may not be able to forget about what others think, at least try to enjoy everything you're doing while you're doing it.

2. You don't have to be the world's premier expert at something to continue to do it.

3. Failing does NOT mean you are a failure.

4. You do not need to lose any weight.

5. Don't give your amazing dog, Truman, away after you have children.

6. Be choosy about who you date. Don't be flattered just because some guy talks to you.

7. You are attractive and have a lot to offer. Stand tall and be proud of yourself.

8. Call your youngest sister. Remember that you love her.

9. Even if you have to beg, borrow, or steal, scrape up enough money to attend the destination wedding of your best friend from high school.

10. You are capable of making smart decisions and controlling your destiny.

11. Find a little company that goes by the name Google, Inc. in Menlo Park, California (Palo Alto, after 1999). Offer to enter data, answer phones, mop the floors, clean the bathrooms, anything in exchange for stock options.

12. You're not shallow by thinking you need money to be happy - you're smart. While money doesn't guarantee happiness, it sure makes it easier to find happiness.

13. I've sent you $7000 via a time machine that looks like your microwave. Use the cash to get a boob job. A really good one. And don't go with the double Ds.

Bad Soccer Mom

When my daughter plays soccer, or any sport for that matter, I feel competitive with the other parents, as if success on the recreational soccer team means success as a parent. Mind you, my daughter is 7 years old and collects stuffed lambs and those plastic gift cards from various stores. She is also really smart (a genius, really. sniff.) and, quite honestly, beautiful. Look:

But the moment she steps onto the field, my eyes are glued on her for the rest of the game, practice, whathaveyou. I'm surprised she doesn't shield her eyes from my laser-beam stare. I love how she watches the ball and the moment there's an opening among all the frantically kicking legs, takes the ball, dribbles it down field, and scores. I'm pleased that my offspring has come out on top. Maybe it's my own personal mini-Darwinism, maybe it's the fact that I'm living vicariously through my daughter, who will feel such pressure due to this, that she will become an art history major and then work as a barista in Seattle somewhere.

Indiana Jones and the Quest for Lost Youth

A couple mornings ago, my girls and I were sitting around the breakfast (lunch, dinner, snack)table, eating cereal and reading the backs of the cereal boxes. One of my girls points of a picture on one of the boxes and asked, "Who's this?" It was Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones. She then said, in disbelief, "THAT'S Indiana Jones?! How come he looks so OLD?" And, you know what, he did look old. But I felt sort of defensive, so I said something like, "Well, in the earlier movies, he was really young and handsome." My girls had stopped listening to me, because, well, I sounded like an old lady at that point. I was actually pretty shocked at how much Indy really had aged. In my mind, Indy was always such a dreamy college professor/archaeologist/action figure/down to earth/hero/rescuer. I guess he still is, but after that cereal box, I tell you, I'm going to have to watch the earlier movies so I can be reminded of his dreaminess.

Horses and Hats

Merriam-Webster defines "yuppie" as a young college-educated adult who is employed in a well-paying profession and who lives and works in or near a large city. One website describes yuppies in this manner:

Dispensing of the social causes of their more passionate parents, yuppies tend
to be 9-5 professional workers. Because of this, some people see them as sellouts. Yuppies tend to value material goods (especially trendy new things). ... Unfortunately, the fast paced pursuit of these material goods has unintended consequences. Usually in a hurry, they seek convenience goods as services. Being "time poor", their family relations can become difficult to sustain. Maintaining their way of life is mentally exhausting.

Wow. Well, that being said, I think I'm going to Preakness next weekend and I need a fancy hat and sundress. Let me know if anyone has either I can borrow, because, while I am not a yuppie because I am poor, I like to play one on tv. I liken myself to the hooker Julia Roberts played in Pretty Woman, who used Richard Gere's credit card to go on a fabulous shopping spree and then went to a polo match in that cute brown polka-dotted dress and brown hat. Except for the hooker part.

Racquet/Racket

I played tennis yesterday for the first time in about 15 or 16 years. I use the word "played" very loosely, but, oh man, was it fun. I'm going to teach my girls how to play, and then they will be the Asian version of the Williams sisters, and I will be their manager. How fabulous will that be?!