Goodnight, Song

Every single night for most of Suzannah's life and for all of Charlotte's life, I have recapped what we did that day and then sang a song to them before kissing them and tucking them in for the night. We've always called it our "goodnight song."

The original goodnight song was "I've Been Working on the Railroad." Then it became "You Are My Sunshine," but with a slight change in a couple of the verses; I sang, "and when I woke up, I saw you sleeping/so I laid my head down and smiled" instead of the original verses: "when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken/so I hung my head down and cried." Less traumatic. Slightly.

The goodnight song saw my girls through a lot of changes. I sang it to an infant Suzannah when she wailed in the middle of the night. I sang it to a toddler Suzannah after her little sister was born. Through all the years of (loud) fighting with their dad, I sang them the goodnight song. The song became a trio during the separation and the divorce.

At some point this summer, the goodnight song was no more. And I can't remember how a routine that became like brushing my teeth just... stopped. Was it all the consecutive sleepover nights with friends? Was it that we were so tired at the end of the day that we fell right to bed in the evening? Was it that I was so distracted that I stopped offering the goodnight song?

It doesn't matter. Having shared the goodnight song with each other for so long, we are better prepared to be there for one another going forward. And I can't wait.